CLOSER

Called after a fave Joy Division album, scored with a neat Suzanne Vega song.

Falling under a truck, Natalie Portman ends up as a huge photo, and a stripper.

Carrying a bouquet, Jude Law ends up carrying a bouquet.

Smiling like a she-goat, Julia Roberts ends up reminding us she's won an Oscar.

Speaking like a goat-herder, Clive Owen ogles the real Amidala for a change.

Actually, though? This seems to be as intriguing as Garden State. Natalie is back, after long years of Lucas-induced slavery; and Mike Nichols is back, in what seems to be the film designated for the Character Drama Best Picture nom alongside shoo-ins like Alexander and the already-insufferable Aviator.

And yes, I'm back. For a few days only; then I'm off to Venice, where this won't be screening, because gods are as spiteful as they are merciful.