Trailer Park
Want to know if that trailer is worth your download time? Find out.


Friday, May 28, 2004  

CELLULAR

So. Jason Statham kidnaps Kim Basinger, who insists he's got the wrong person. She hotwires a broken phone back together and manages to call... some guy who is currently trying to email a video of some girl's boobs to himself on his cell phone. We are officially in possession of too much technology, people. It is a pretty interesting trailer, though, as this guy (Chris Evans--hmm, tell me more) finds himself commandeering cars, holding up Radio Shack for a phone charger, and dodging death in highway chases for this woman he doesn't even know.

Greg of Yahoo Movies' "Greg's Previews" adds, "Larry Cohen apparently came up with so many great ideas from the same concept that he spun it out into two extremely similar scripts... and both are in development at major studios. Wow. First, you have the one-location Phone Booth, and then after it, there'll be this film... except now the phone is cellular, so the hero can, you know, walk around and stuff. Maybe Cohen will make it a trilogy, and have the next one be about someone who receives an e-mail message."

Vladimir: ...on his PDA.

Cleolinda: Exactly what I was thinking. Call it "Blackberry."

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:02 AM


Wednesday, May 26, 2004  

ALEXANDER

(Cleo allows me a second opinion, bless her heart, and it's always advisable that you get two reviews of a single trailer. Especially when we couldn't have been bothered to review the dozens of others that came out recently...)

Rejoice! Finally we get a historical epic in 2004 that seems to be worth waiting for. I never had much hope for Troy, and the setting of King Arthur did intrigue me for a while before the latest trailers suggested they spent all their IQ on just the setting... Now, judging by this sparse and yet eminently well-rounded teaser, Oliver Stone (of all people) will make amends for the lacklustre appeal of the previous two. So, Warner, kudos for keeping it short and memorable, kudos for hinting at a certain depth of concept - because, seriously, if you are telling the story of the Macedonian, you need to account for a lot of things that are well nigh miraculous - and, well, kudos for giving us a glimpse of Rosario Dawson. (No, seriously. Between her and Jolie, there will be no need for Photoshop enhancements of feminine attributes on the final release posters. Hallelujah.)

It's all good. Not downloadable yet - that is, if you're not Gunther - but it's a provocative glimpse into a movie that is obviously going to be a major contender.

posted by Vladimir | 5:45 AM


Tuesday, May 25, 2004  

ALEXANDER

Well, if you're going to have Standard Boring Narration, you may as well have Anthony Hopkins do it (I picture Announcer Guy sulking in the corner of the studio). Mostly it's a lot of armor and horses and blond. Kinda reminds me of Troy, just with a lot more horses. And the "Conquer your fear! And I promise you! You will conquer death!" is a lot like Brad Pitt's "Immortality! Take it! It's yours!" line--mostly in how silly it sounds out loud. The really interesting tactic the trailer uses is not to show any of the other big-name stars (Angelina Jolie, Val Kilmer, Jared Leto, Hopkins), just Colin Farrell and his weird, weird blond hair. It's okay for a teaser, but... I wouldn't advise you to run out and download this thing toute suite.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:47 PM


Friday, May 21, 2004  

THX-1138

What's wrong?

Well, (a) I go to Malta and then have a writer's block for a while, and the entire Blogger template changes. Actually, I like it this way. (b) "What's wrong?" is a tag of this movie. It's an existential, dystopian future of the kind young filmmakers don't create anymore... Probably because they can't even spell "dystopian". Still, the film is nothing much. People would have gladly forgotten it by now - it was made back in 1972 or something - but for the fact that it was directed by George Lucas. No, it doesn't look nothing like Star Wars. It's bleak, way too clever for its own good, kinda avant-garde. It's also coming out on DVD now, for some reason. So: (c) Of course, being from Lucas, it's coming out in an upgraded version on DVD now. Upgraded by the man who used to be a director, but is now a more or less talentless peddler of ILM's wares. So you get pointless shots that widen the canvas and yet completely destroy the aesthetic, matching original shots neither in style, nor in color palette, nor in execution. Yeah, way to go, George. Mess up all you can, you silly bugger.

And it's all available on a really well-designed Flash website, meaning that you'll have to surf it for at least five minutes before you stumble upon this non-downloadable preview.

posted by Vladimir | 3:48 PM


Tuesday, May 04, 2004  

VANITY FAIR

Oooo. I'm looking forward to this one. Reese Witherspoon pulls off a good British accent, and I think she'll make a great Becky Sharp. (Ooo, I didn't even know Gabriel Byrne was in this, too!) There's an Indian-themed scene--some sort of performance the female characters put on--that looks a bit out of place for the period, but it's Mira Nair, so I'll allow it.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:37 AM
 

SEED OF CHUCKY

BZZT! Worthless. Just teaser footage of a sonogram that won't be in the movie. Might be sort of interesting if you were watching TV and it randomly came on. It's not worth a 20 mb download.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 11:27 AM


Monday, May 03, 2004  

KING ARTHUR: TV SPOTS

As previously reported, I thought this one had potential. To be a summer blockbuster and an exciting Arthurian movie the likes of which we have never seen before. Taking story elements from the 12th and 13th century French sources, yes, but playing them out in a convincing 5th century British setting.

And this is where my hopes for this movie were dashed.

No, seriously. It still looks good - especially Guinevere the Pict - but the entire span of footage now available does not have a single remotely intelligent line in it. Coming from the writer of Alamo (as I recall), it's not surprising. Coming on the heels of probably the fundamental legendary cycle of the Western world, well, it's more than a little underwhelming. Sorry, Antoine, but the Arthurian world still waits for its Peter Jackson...

posted by Vladimir | 11:04 AM
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