THE DREAMERS

TWINS WHO FUCK EACH OTHER? EWWWWWWW!!! But I guess that's what we're supposed to think because Michael Pitt is grossed out by it too. He's an American in Paris who meets two attractive young people such as himself who invite him to live with them and have lots of kinky threesomes. Then he finds out that they're actually brother and sister and runs away, because...well, I hope I don't need to explain why.

The trailer looks very Y Tu Mama Tambien, all kinky and graphic and foreign. (I'm so much more intelligent than this is making me sound, by the way.) It's very artsy and pretty, worth checking out as long as you don't mind that it's one of those trailers that doesn't really tell you much about the movie.

WIN A DATE WITH TAD HAMILTON!

Topher Grace and Kate Bosworth are best friends who are such good friends that they don't realize that the love of the their life is right in front of them. Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. Kate Bosworth enters and wins a contest to go on a date with hunky movie star Tad Hamilton (Josh Duhamel), who proceeds to woo her, which in turn makes Topher Grace realize that he really loves Kate Bosworth. It's all very stupid because Kate Bosworth (the person) is, of course, actually a movie star and looks like one the whole time she's going on dates with Tad Hamilton even though she's supposed to be "plain" and "common."

Then there are some scenes in which Topher Grace and Tad Hamilton compete for Kate Bosworth. I think I'm having a hard time getting this trailer because I'd much rather go on a date with Topher Grace than Josh Duhamel. But that's just my surface reaction. Luckily, that's all there is to the matter.

No wait, there's more: I'm not buying that the American public would allow someone named "Tad Hamilton" to become famous. Okay, that's all.

THE PRINCE & ME

So we already know that I automatically hate any movie in which a romance is built on a lie and then the woman shrills, "YOU LIEEEEEEEEED TO MEEEE!" and runs away dramatically when she finds out the truth about the man she THOUGHT she loved! But this has to be the absolute stupidest use of this convention ever: Julia Stiles is a college student (lovably clumsy, of course, because she's "real") who falls in love with a Danish prince who has come to America to escape the strict lifestyle and snobby, traditional familial obligations that come with being the future king. Because being king would suck, I guess. Anyway, he doesn't tell Julia Stiles that he is actually a prince, because he is a complete idiot, and then she finds out, and in the trailer, she actually screams, "YOU'RE A PRINCE? GET AWAY FROM ME!"

I don't have time for this shit, people.

SPIDER-MAN 2

Just a quick note that the trailer's up. My sound isn't working, but it looks pretty awesome, that's for sure.

GARFIELD: THE MOVIE

WHAT DID I TELL YOU PEOPLE ABOUT USING BAD CGI TO MAKE LIVE-ACTION MOVIES OUT OF THINGS THAT SHOULD NEVER BE LIVE-ACTION? Now I'm just angry. And the weird cartoon proportions in the live-action setting are CREEPING MY SHIT OUT.

P.S. Jennifer Love Hewitt should be banned from doing anything ever.