THE COMPANY

I love the Altman, but I dunno about this one. It almost put me to sleep and it was barely over two minutes long, dude. Maybe it's all the softening filters. Maybe it's Neve Campbell, her squintiness back with a vengeance. Maybe it's the voiceover, which informs us that ballet requires things like "sacrifice" and "feeling the music." What, like I didn't see Center Stage? Wait, uh, scratch that.

HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN

Trailer. Go now.

ETA: All right, I've finally come home and gotten hold of the thing. The opening logo is awesome. I loved Something Wicked This Way Comes, so it's a nice touch to have that as a tag line. The movie looks awesome, Gambon makes a fine Dumbledore, I really like Oldman as Sirius now that I've seen him in action... but. BUT. The Saint Toad Memorial Hogwarts Children's Choir sucks my left one. "Bubble! Bubble! Toil and! Trouble!"--seriously, what is up with that? Ugh.

SCOOBY-DOO 2: MONSTERS UNLEASHED (TEASER)

I hate Scooby-Doo for roughly the same reason I hate The Cat in the Hat: BAD. CGI. Y'ALL. Bad CGI used to make something live-action that was never, ever meant to be live-action. I also just hate Scooby-Doo because he's not funny. And I also hate Matthew Lillard. And I hate any movie whose tagline is, "Look Doo's back!" What, like "Look who's back!"? Just kill me now.

Also: hideously low streaming quality alert. Don't even bother.

CHASING LIBERTY

Mandy Moore stars as the President's daughter, pissed off about being swarmed by Secret Service agents whenever she goes on a date, so she decides to go on the run with a random hunk on a motorcycle. And they're in Prague, because he has to have a sexy accent. I suppose they're going to have many adventures wherein Mandy teaches Random Hunk how to live life to the fullest or something, because there's a scene where they go bungee jumping and there's not much else that that could signify in a movie like this.

Besides coming startlingly close to sharing a plot with The Lizzie Maguire Movie, Chasing Liberty also features the kiss of death for romantic comedies: "You lied to meeee?" It turns out that Mandy's little boyfriend is in contact with the President the whole time, so that she can get mad at him for no reason before forgiving him for no reason at the end.

TROY

In my raving flu I forgot to update the Troy entry, because I have seen the Quicktime version, and it is pretty awesome. Best shot: the camera pulling out to show, literally, a thousand ships. And you heard it here first: I promise you that haute couture is going to start ripping off that chunky geometrical jewelry in about six months. Oh, and Helen gets naked, which I guess is the trailer's way of throwing a sop to the straight guys in the audience and apologizing for the vast amounts of man-pretty.

THE LOST SKELETON OF CADAVRA

To be honest, I can't say for sure if this is the real deal or not. However, being even more honest, it's the funniest goddamn thing I've ever seen. If a feature-length parody of Ed Wood-y alien invasion movies (without updated techniques, a la Mars Attacks!) is actually being produced by a real studio and distributed into real theaters, then there is a God, and he is smiling upon me.

"Aliens? Us? Is this one your Earth jokes?"

I will be there multiple times during its undoubtedly short and criminally limited release.

TROY

The trailer's up at the official site. I haven't watched it yet (still loading), but let's just say that AngelDust gives "the Orlando Bloom trailer" two thumbs up.

ETA: DAMMIT! It's streaming Yahoo crap! I refuse to review streaming Yahoo crap. The official site says they'll have it Friday. Grrrrr.

THE PUNISHER (FULL TRAILER)

So... they killed his family on a dock and blew it up, and he waded out of the water and conveniently found a black T-shirt with a skull on it floating in the tidepools? Rrrright.

Also: We are to the point where advertising John Travolta actually makes me want to not see the movie.

ETA: Well, jinx (see entry below). Serves me right for not checking the blog first.