Trailer Park
Want to know if that trailer is worth your download time? Find out.

Thursday, April 24, 2003  


Stars: Mark Wahlberg, Charlize Theron, Edward Norton, Donald Sutherland, Seth Green, Jason Statham, Mos Def

Features: Stolen gold, dead daddy, stuff blows up real good. You know, for a revenge caper, everyone seems to be having a lot of fun. Well, except for Edward Norton, whom I hear loathed being in this movie. Or maybe that's just the porno mustache talking.

Is it worth downloading? All I know is, my mother the Action Flick Queen saw this trailer in the theater and was excited.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:36 PM


Stars: Al Pacino, Kim Basinger, Ryan O'Neil, Téa Leoni, Robert Klein

Features: "There's never been a crisis he couldn't handle..." Say it with me: "UNTIL NOW." Lord almighty. Téa Leoni seems to be playing some sort of deep-voiced, boozy blonde movie star. Al Pacino is the man who "makes or breaks the deals" and seems to be in charge of cleaning up her messes. Someone seems to have been killed. We can only hope it was Leoni.

Is it worth downloading? You know, this movie is a lot more entertaining if you pretend it's a Sharon Stone biopic.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:25 PM


Stars: Bryan Adams (I know!), Yuliya Vysotskaya, Sultan Islamov

Features: "Within a home for outcasts [shots of crazy-but-artistic people playing music] ... in the midst of madness [shots of soldiers] ... an innocent girl [sure, whatever] ... dreamt of a glorious existence [scene obscured by blizzard of rose petals] ... as a refuge from the world [Crazy! Artistic! Music!] ..." God, I hate when foreign films rely on hokey voiceovers to disguise the fact that the dialogue is not in English. People, for the thousandth time: viewers turned off by foreign languages are not going to see your film anyway! Oh, and I am going to assume that Black T-Shirt McStubble was Bryan Adams.

Is it worth downloading? See, this is one of the fine distinctions of judging trailers as opposed to judging the movies themselves. This may very well be a good movie. This is not a good trailer.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:20 PM


Stars: Guy Pearce, Helena Bonham Carter, Frank Gallacher, Lindley Joyner

Features: Guy Pearce saved HBC from drowning. HBC doesn't remember who she is. Pearce would like to help her (the guys always want to help in this kind of movie, you know.) HBC has a really good, subtle Australian accent.

Is it worth downloading? Well, the twinkly music in the last half kinda worries me--it's standard And Then We Changed Our Lives for the Better music--but the movie gets bonus nerd points for actually quoting the poem that provides the title, "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock," in the dialogue.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:10 PM


Bobby's House: Apparently half the trailer comes from this sequence, because I had no idea these scenes were related--the frosty kiss, Bobby confessing to his parents that he's a mutant, the Pyro acting-out. You can tell that several things have been cut to squish them all into one clip, but it's interesting to see how they all string together. Oh, and Pyro fans--yes, he does use a lighter, he does not just shoot fire out of his sleeves or anything. You can sleep easy again.

They're Back: Awwwww, dammit. It's not a scene, it's an EPK clip. Like, very brief snippets of actual cool footage with actor interviews. Which is fine, but I wanted something more along the lines of "Bobby's House."

Newcomers: Dammit, it's going to be all EPK from here on out, isn't it? New mutants you get to see in action: Shadowcat, Colossus, Siryn, Pyro, Iceman, Nightcrawler, and Lady Deathstrike.

The Production: The production designer walks us through some of the 68 sets, including Magneto's cell, the mansion/school, and the Oval Office. No, not kidding on that last one. "X-Men 2 will definitely be a feast for the eyes," he says. Awww, poor thing--he thinks we're actually coming to feast our eyes on the [i]sets[/i]?

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 7:01 PM


Stars: Nicole Kidman, Stellan Skarsgård, Siobhan Fallon, Chloë Sevigny, Patricia Clarkson, Jeremy Davies, Philip Baker Hall, Paul Bettany, Lauren Bacall, James Caan, Blair Brown, Harriet Andersson, Jean-Marc Barr, (the late) Katrin Cartlidge, Ben Gazzara, Udo Kier, Miles Purinton, Bill Raymond, Erich Silva, Trinity Stiles. Dir. Lars von Trier.

Features: The "big name" actors (Kidman, Skarsgård, Bacall, Caan, Gazzara) bitching about the production to a confessional camera, basically. Well, Bacall doesn't bitch, but she seems very, very tired. And Kidman doesn't bitch, but she's smarter than that anyway. The men can afford to bitch. They all look weary. Oh, and I think Caan is a low-grade psychopath. Just a vibe I get off him. Anything about the movie? Nope.

Is it worth downloading? This is the most pointless "trailer" I have seen in a long, long time.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 5:59 PM


Stars: Cate Blanchett, Brenda Fricker, Ciaran Hinds, Gerard McSorley, and, apparently, Colin Farrell, although I did not see him. Dir. Joel Schumacher (God help us all).

Features: Oirish thugs who threaten a close-cropped Cate Blanchett. Lots of pathos-dripping shots of Guerin with her young son. A pretty good Irish accent from Blanchett--not that I would know, really, but it doesn't make me laugh out loud or anything. The anvil of doom haning over Guerin's head--well, if you know what happened to her in real life.

Is it worth downloading? Well, this isn't one of those must-see blockbuster trailers, but if you're a Blanchett fan (and I am), or a Schumacher fan (but who is?), yes, definitely.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 5:54 PM

Wednesday, April 23, 2003  


Ah, yes. Colin Farrell is one step closer to ubiquity. Oh, and "From the Producers of The Fast and the Furious and XXX" is not the first thing I want to see in a trailer.

Stars: Samuel L. Jackson, Colin Farrell, Michelle Rodriguez, LL Cool J, Olivier Martinez

Features: Colin Farrell's eyebrows. Things blowing up real good.

Is it worth downloading? Wow, that was an incredibly generic trailer. All it lacked was a good old-school "IN A WORLD..." intonation.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:44 AM


You know, I've been saying for months that I wanted this one to be called Jeepers Creepers 2: Creep Harder, but now The Creepening strikes me as an equally good subtitle.

Features: Lots of cornfields, lots of kids on a bus, lots of Creeping, lots of--winged swooping about? The trailer also establishes a fairly cool blonde girl as the most likely survivor--your chances of living increase proportionally with the amount of screen time you get, I find--and features a return appearance by Justin Chambers. Or his ghost. Whatever.

Is it worth downloading? Surprising thing about the trailer? How much Creeper it shows. I guess after the first movie, they decided there was no point in being coy. It was good as far as trailers go, although I did not see the first JC and I am fairly certain I will not see this one.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 6:11 AM

Tuesday, April 22, 2003  


Over at Apple: the aforementioned Hulk international trailer; Hollywood Homicide; Discord; May; Uptown Girls; and Legally Blonde 2.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:41 AM


Coming Soon has a new international trailer that shows "a great deal more of the film." I? Am not sold on this one yet. Ang Lee or no Ang Lee. Also: Is Jennifer Connelly drugged? Because she acts like she's sleepwalking.

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:20 AM


Is it just that traffic was slow over Easter weekend, or that no one knows about this movie yet, or...what? Because we're not getting many visits to the new screen caps.

Does this help? (That's Kate Beckinsale in the leather, by the way. Oh, and she's a vampire. And the movie also has Scott Speedman and werewolves. I'm just saying.)

posted by Cleolinda Jones | 8:15 AM